Sunday, February 20, 2011

The Speed and Subtleties of Sound

I don't wake up when the goobster cries at night, unless she's really howling even after mommy's done her best to console her, which is my cue to get up and do my daddy duties. It's not that I'm intentionally ignoring the baby crying--I honestly sleep through it. No, really, I do!

My voice teacher had this explanation handy. Apparently, the size of the small space between a baby's vocal folds is exactly the same size as the entrance to that specific baby's mom's inner ear. Ergo, a baby's cry hovers around an "ideal frequency" to be heard by the mother. This made me feel better, even if it turns out to be total hogwash. My wife is Programmed to wake up, and I'm not.

However, other recent events are messing with the sleep patterns of our little household..

Sleeping in on the weekends is fantastic--especially long weekends, like this current weekend we're weekending. My wife does too, although Goobie McGooberson has decided these last few mornings that 5:30 am is a fantastic time for a pre-breakfast breakfast, so poor Momma hasn't been getting her Z's, and tells me so after I wake up wonderfully refreshed around 7:30 am.

I'd like to say that last sentence was entirely true in regards to our current weekend. Nope. Not even. And why? Is it because I'm trying to use my weekendy time more wisely? Is it because I'm getting up early to hit the gym with, like, no one there but the sleepy door-watcher person and a couple juicers on the weights and marathon runners on the treadmills?

I'd like to say that one of those reasons is true.


I've been waking up at 6 am every morning since Friday to a soft, but sharp chirping sound coming from near the window. The Early Bird, you say, is visiting my apartment?

No, not the Early Bird...

At first, I couldn't tell where the sound was coming from--I got down on my hands and knees and looked under the bed. I checked all of our electronic devices. I checked Momma's sock drawer. I checked my new watch ('s totally analog) to see if it was self-destructing (it's kinda fancy like that).

Then Momma told me that it was coming from the vent...and then it hit waves.

First, I then understood it must be our downstairs neighbor's alarm clock.

Second, that our downstairs neighbors probably aren't home, because even the most stubborn snoozers will at least hit the snooze button/turn off the alarm after at most 5 minutes of a loud alarm buzz.

Third, that our downstairs neighbors are probably gone for the long weekend to stay with family or friends.

Fourth, that our downstairs neighbors' alarm clock would thus be buzzbuzzbuzzing every morning this weekend at 6 am without anyone to turn it off. And it's not one of those turn-off-after-a-few-minutes alarms....

I checked. It turns off at around 8:34 am.

So, not only will my poor wife be woken up around 5 am every morning by the baby, but will have to wake up at 6 am, too, right after she settles down after a feeding.

But much worse is that I, too, will be sleep-deprived. For there is nothing worse than a sleep-deprived Set of parents and a happy baby. Because the parents get jealous, and people are gonna think we hate/don't appreciate our kid when she's being all cute, and we don't care.

Oh, well. I guess we'll..nap..or something.


  1. Sad! I hate it when the lack of sleep isn't the baby's fault! (i.e. last night when Mommy and Daddy decided to have one of those talks with one another that goes until 2am. Then the baby wakes up at 2:15am. Joy! I could have been sleeping for the last 5-6 hours but of course, I didn't. Booo!) I'm so sorry to hear about your alarm clock adventures. You should be sure to slash their tires when they return :)

  2. I'd call the Landlord and see if you can get a key and shut off their Alarm Clock, they'd probably be SO embarrassed to know that it's chirping away every morning, At least a normal person would be embarrassed. So unless your neighbors are terrible people, they'll be embarrassed. :)

  3. So call the neighbors or the landlord and get it shut off!